Here’s what I saw today that explains why.
When I’m not sure if I’m ‘in’, it’s because I’m flip flopping. I’m in, I’m out, I’m in, I’m out.
When I’m flip flopping, it’s ALWAYS because I’m trying to persuade myself to do something I don’t really want to and here’s why.
As soon as I go quiet in my head, I start ‘what shall I do?’ing. (It’s my crazy – it kicks in every single time I start to go quiet inside).
I take that noise seriously and then to make it go away ‘I decide’ on a project because that’s what it looks like needs to be done, given the content of the noise.
Then I flip flop because I made my mind up from a busy noisy space, and I’m choosing something for the sake of choosing because I think that will quiet the busy mind.
Then I flip flop until I back out of the thing I decided on and get some relief. It goes quiet and the whole thing starts again.
My flip flop is not my enemy IT IS MY FRIEND!!! (Please bear in mind I have been fighting the flip flop for about 3 years now.)
It shows me ‘you’re trying to make yourself do something you don’t want to’. eg a big coaching program I signed up to then backed out of, my chef training formal program I nearly did then didn’t, my nics-kitchen blog, childcare and a million other examples you’ve seen.
Meanwhile…..back at home…..
I’m creating a life with my kids, I’m cooking and I’m saying yes to dance classes, helping out the Hunger Project, creating Simplicity Bootcamp classes each week and supercoach advanced track all with no flip flopping and pretty much zero noise.
Because it’s not ‘me that’s deciding’, it just seems to happen without me ever having to decide.
That creation is easy, effortless and graceful. And so quiet it’s wonderful.
I want more of that.
I want creation to unfold for me that easily. Could it really be that simple? I’m giggling to myself as I hope so 🙂
My guess is that seeing that initial ‘what shall I do?’ing for the noise you’ve been telling me so for ages will mean I take it less seriously and don’t use it as a spring board to actually ‘decide’ what to do. And seeing the flip flop as my friend rather than my nemesis is going to take a lot of the pressure off!
I don’t want to ‘keep going when it feels tough’, I don’t want to ‘decide what it’s going to take to get there’ – I followed all the instructions in CTI up till now and it’s left me flip flopping like crazy and feeling like I used to in the old days when I did what I was told, pushed for the result and tried to get it done in my time frame. Waaaaay to much me in there.
So I wanted to hand in my resignation.
I’ve learned the most amazing things about creation and that was why I was in the program in the first place – so grateful to you for running this program.
And THIS, what I’ve shared with you here is total and utter gold dust.
This flip flopping insight is still settling but when I look what I’ve shared is true every single time.
Do you know what? I think I’ve created the impossible. I’ve FINALLY seen the true nature of flip flopping and the battle is over.
That was so impossible I didn’t even have it down as an idea for the project.
It’s such a relief to be back home I can’t tell you – I’ve actually cracked a bottle of bubbly 🙂
Just wanted to share.
And I’ll be back for Thrive cos Living from Mind, that’s where it’s at as far as I’m concerned.
And here came Michael’s reply (shared with you with his permission)
Yaaaay! Resignation accepted – raise a glass for me too. And welcome home!