Today’s episode is a conversation with one of my (now discharged) clients, Danielle.
Here’s what she shared in our client Facebook Group to give you some context – I just had her share her story with you (with her permission, of course!).
“I think it’s important that I lay out just how bad because I know there will be people who simply can’t believe yet, that they will be able to be ‘normal’ ever again.. so, I’ll tell you just how bad it was first.
I had a complete nervous breakdown, the 3rd in my life, I couldn’t leave my room, I didn’t sleep at all for 3 weeks, I dropped down to 6st 11 (43kg) I couldn’t bath, wash or brush my teeth because I couldn’t be alone for that long. I couldn’t sit down so I paced around in a small circle for about 10 hours a day. I became petrified that I would go crazy & grab a knife & stab myself or jump off of the balcony without any control over myself. I banned anything that could be a hazard from the house. No one was allowed to come into the house as that made me feel even more afraid, I couldn’t eat & just about managed to drink water. I started experiencing hallucinations at night & would wake up to spiders crawling over the walls & bed, to seeing people standing over me & hearing voices in my head (all through lack of sleep & severe stress) hospital was discussed but the crisis team realised that moving me would probably make me worse & I agreed, so I had twice daily visits & calls to check I was still alive. My partner had to be with me 24 hours a day, giving up his whole life to take care of me & my two children. It was pretty bad all in all.
Over 20 years, I’d tried every therapy imaginable. Nothing worked. I had a strong knowledge of spiritual practice & metaphysics, it was my job. I lost all faith in the process & actually, became terrified of it & of the psychic ability I had & used as part of my work. I reached a point where I felt my brain was splitting in two.
Coming into the Little Peace of Mind program did something I’ve never experienced before.
Today, I left the town I live in for the first time in a year, to keep a date with a friend for free cake at her tea room. I can promise you that this is something I never imagined possible. What I’ve come to understand & to begin living over this 11 weeks, is that nothing you can do, will change this simple fact – you do not need to fix yourself, you are not broken, or mental, or different or weird. You are well. 24/7 – 365. All you are, is in the way; blocking the wellness you are. Searching for wellness is like looking for your eyes to see where they are all the time. They’re just there, it just is.. you’ve just got them closed.
I haven’t felt the need to ask questions or say ‘but what about when this or that happens’, I’ve just remembered on a deeper level each day, that I am wellness. As thoughts pop up, I experience them as just thoughts now. They have no relevance to my physical feeling or experience unless I designate them as doing so. A motorway or aeroplane is no different an experience than cuddling a kitten. My wellbeing doesn’t change dependent on the situation I’m in, only the attachment to the thoughts I might have do that.
I’ve realised humility, the understanding that judging where someone else is consciously, is completely needless. I never need to make anyone see anything differently than the way they do.
I’ve grown in self worth. I used to constantly feel my presence was something other people probably didn’t like, now, I don’t ‘think’ about what someone may be thinking about me. It’s not their opinion, it’s me projecting what I think their opinion might be.I trust so much more without needing to control what’s happening or how I’ll cope. Everything was a military operation when it came to going somewhere, nearly always with tranquillisers – I haven’t touched a tranquilliser in 10 months.
I feel more grown up. Instead of that child like persona we adopt as ‘panickers’, I know I can look after myself in this world. I don’t give any time to things like my weight or age or whatever we tend to not like about ourselves. I know my wellbeing takes care of all of it.
Even today when I had a moment before I left the house, I allowed the thoughts, I allowed the physical sensation & knew 100% that my wellbeing would take care of it. Immediately my consciousness rose back up & off I went – in a car, being driven by someone else & I had TWO cakes. I thought about the joy I’d feel when I got home to tell my fiancé & the pride in his face was obvious. I’ve spoken of the changes in my body & people around me before also.
Getting rid of anxiety from your life, is as ridiculous as trying to get rid of laughing from your life. It’s a normal expression, we need it. Being able to live a normal life regardless of experiencing anxiety is truth. The reason this program works & nothing else does, is because it’s true. The physical symptoms of panic dissipate very rapidly once you ‘know’ within, that you are absolute wellness.
I wish you all peace & love as you move through this program & beyond.”
Here’s her story….