I know it’s just my thinking but it really looks like my kids are winding me up today.”
“I know it’s just my thinking but it looks to me like the lack of sleep I got last night is making me grumpy.”
“I know it’s just my thinking but my husband/wife is a selfish pig who never listens to anything I say.”
“I know it’s just my thinking but I can’t drive on a motorway.”
So if I (insert airquotes) “KNOW” it’s just my thinking, why isn’t that making the horrible feeling go away?
(By the way, if you’re reading this post and your thoughts don’t even include the bold part of the sentence and you go straight to the second part, read this post first.)
Have I had experiences of truly seeing my reality is created through thought in certain areas of my life?
That I just made a whole story about something and the seeing of that has ‘poof-ed’ it into nothing?
Sure, and it was so cool I find myself looking for stuff to point the magic ‘poof’ wand at.
‘Take that, horrible kids’, ‘take that, high number on the scales’, ‘take that busy diary’.
I made you up – poof! And I made you up – poof!
So why doesn’t waving the ‘poof ‘wand always ‘work’?
I see I’d turned it into a bit of a technique:
Step One: Identify something that feels horrible
Step Two: Say to self (or have some one else say it to you): “It’s just your thinking”
Step Three: See “it’s just my thinking.”
Step Four: Thought goes ‘poof’.
Step Five: Horrible feeling gone.
What’s missing between Step Two and Three?
And why doesn’t ‘doing step Three’ to my husband/clients/friends seem to fill them with joy and epiphany when I kindly point it out to them?
Let’s take the example of public speaking.
It gives me the fear to stand up the front with a mike in my hand.
I know, I really know and understand that my feelings must be created through my thinking. I understand that’s the way the system works.
But there was a disconnect between knowing that at some level and really experiencing that the moment the mike is between my hands. (The gap between step Two and Three).
And what I realised is that I had thought that the physical symptoms of that anxiety felt so real that it didn’t feel like I’d made up that experience at all.
I believed that the stronger I feel something, the less I think it’s thought and the more real it actually is.
Read that again.
Duh? Why would THAT be the cause-effect relationship?
That MORE feeling equals LESS thought?
That CAN’T be true.
Oh. Step Three just happened all on it’s own.
(And I notice I didn’t tell even point the ‘poof’ wand at myself, I just saw that as true.)
I see it.
So now I’d blown that one up in the air, I had created a space for my understanding on this to come back and re-form into something new.
I saw that I’d misunderstood the connection between the strength of the feeling and the ‘realness’ of the thing that looked like it was causing it.
And I saw that telling myself (or hearing from another) that ‘it’s just your thinking’ hadn’t been the cause of the ”poof-and-it-was-gone’ moments.
It never has.
Oh. The whole Five Steps just went ‘poof’.
It’s seeing that my experience is being created through thought for myself in the moment that makes the difference.
So how do I do that?
Should there be a new set of steps?
Well the only thing it occurs to me to do is to look inside and take a fresh look.
‘Do I really see this as thought or does it look real to me?’
And if the answer’s “I don’t know”, I take a look at my behaviour and that gives me a pretty good indication (!!).
If the answer is: ‘I know on some level this is thought but….’
Then I know I’m not truly seeing it as thought.
No, I don’t see this one yet.
The only problem I have is if I that I think the answer should be ‘Yes’.
In fact as I write I see that’s the only thing that’s holding this whole article together.
I think I should see everything as thought when I don’t.
When the answer is simply ‘No, not yet’, I’m free to just get on with experiencing it as real for now.
Yes, that IS actually allowed!
So while motorways look scary, get a cab or just don’t go on them. That’s wisdom.
When you’re really pissed off, go have a sulk. That’s wisdom.
When you have real targets for real money that you need to pay real bills, try really hard to make more money. That’s wisdom.
And to stop beating yourself up for it.
Because you ‘should’ see it as thought and you ‘should’ know better.
That’s where we trip ourselves up.
I know that at some point as I deepen my understanding of how the human-reality-creation-system works, I’ll take another look next time I’ll realise that I’m seeing that thing as thought.
That the answer has become ‘Yes’.
That my understanding has deepened and it wisdom will show up giving me different stuff to do. Or not to do.
And that until it’s yes, the answer’s no and that’s just fine.
And that I DO see as true.
(Until the moments I don’t and that’s OK too).