This week a friend of mine phoned me and asked me if I’d come and visit her grandmother with her. She said that her gran wasn’t talkative and when she did speak it was fairly boring, so to save the awkward silences she hoped I’d come with her and keep her company.
Before coming into this conversation, anxiety was my number one priority. My life revolved around it, anxiety came first and if anything else got the chance to even get a look in, then it’d come after.
A question as simple as “will you come with me to visit my Grandmother?” wouldn’t have been so simple for me 6 months ago.
I would have broken it down and analysed it, looking something along the lines of..
• What if I get there and feel anxious?
• What if I need to leave straight away?
• What if I can’t go in the house?
• How far is the journey?
• What if she doesn’t like me?
• Who else will be there?
• Is her toilet upstairs or downstairs?
• How long are we staying for?
• If I say no, am I a bad friend?
Those are just a handful of the thoughts that I would have had and back then, I would have either white knuckled it and left myself physically and emotionally exhausted, or I would have said I can’t make it and then spent the whole day reminding myself of how much of a useless person I am and not to forget the “I’ll never be able to leave the house again” thoughts that’d most likely join in. Either way, I would have been drained.
This week, when asked wether I wanted to go or not, two things came up for me.
• Do I want to go?
• I wonder what kind of dog she’s got!
After approximately 5 minutes, I let my friend know that I’d love to go and that was that.
Towards the end of the day, just as we’d left her Grandmothers house my friend said “thank God that’s over” which to my disbelief I replied “I honestly have no idea how you think your Gran is awkward and boring, we spoke the whole time. She showed me pictures of her dad in the war and ornaments she’d had passed down from her own grandmother, I think she is so interesting and absolutely wonderful!”
Everywhere I go and everywhere I look, I see the living proof of us all living in our own separate realities created by thought. My friends’ thoughts of her Gran and my thoughts of her are the complete opposite.
Change is so possible when we look towards who we really are instead of who we think we are. However, when you’re caught up in thought that just doesn’t seem true. I get that. If you told me 6 months ago that I’d be driving on a motor way for 45 minutes to visit a complete stranger for lunch, I would think you were crazy, considering I couldn’t even stand on my own front door step as it was too far, but change can and will happen for you too.
(If you’re wondering what kind of dog she had, above is a picture of the most friendliest Staff I’ve ever met, her name is Honey)
